Monday, May 08, 2006
You know, Julie Wilson, 'the Love Doctor,' thinks she knows everything about kissing. She writes an entire book about it, THE FINE ART OF KISSING, and just like that...she becomes America's darling. A self-made relationship guru. A relationship expert. She's even got her own blog going at http://blog.myspace.com/catherinechernow. Julie's loaded with advice. And everyone's raving about it. They claim her book, THE FINE ART OF KISSING, has turned their lives around.
That's such bull. You know why? I'll tell you why: She says she's kissed a hundred men as research for her book, yet she won't admit to ME that my kiss is the one that set her on fire. Made her crave more. Oh, I know it affected her, even if she won't admit it. I could feel the way her body molded to mine, I felt her tremble.
So, I've got some kissing tips. Yeah, me, Brad O'Malley. The 'King of Truth,' America's most popular talk-show host. Here's the real skinny on kissing, just seven simple rules to follow...
Rule 1 - No Sloppies. Don't lick her. Yeah, that's right. Keep that tongue under control!
Rule 2 - Kiss her in between tonguing her. It's not just about your tongue, it's about your lips, too! You have to let her experience the entire package.
Rule 3 - Don't shove your tongue down her throat. That's a sure-fire way to turn her right off.
Rule 4 - Don't keep your tongue too far back in your mouth. Too little tongue is just as bad as not enough.
Rule 5 - Don't incorporate your teeth. No biting!
Rule 6 - Eyes closed. There's nothing worse than kissing your partner while your partner is staring you down.
Rule 7 - No funky orgy sounds. Just keep it down to low moans, okay?
So there you have it. Seven simple kissing rules, guaranteed to set her aflame in an instant.
Let me know how they work for you.
THE FINE ART OF KISSING
Available now from www.triskelionpublishing.net